Total Divas S7 E11 Recap: Maryse & The Miz Have A Baby On The Way, Brie Goes Camping, Naomi & Jimmy

It's the first part of a two-part Total Divas season finale, and everything that's going on is completely life-changing for the Divas. When the girls come on the screen, they either go hard or they go home, and naturally, they all came hard.

The biggest news of the night, of course, comes courtesy of Maryse and The Miz. The WWE super-couple have never been busier — they're touring and performing all the time, and this is to say nothing of their commitments to Raw. And it looks like the couple isn't going to slow down any time soon, until Maryse tells The Miz to come straight home from Cleveland. After wolfing down a sandwich, and complaining of how tired he is, Maryse surprises the former Real World cast member with the news of his impending fatherhood. To really drive the point home, she whips out five more pregnancy tests that prove that yes, she really is "in a family way" thanks to Mr. Mizanin. The Miz, of course, has a priceless reaction: "We weren't even trying!" (So it's another immaculate conception, sir? I mean, it's happened before...)

But, trying or not, Baby Miz is en route, and the couple head to the doctor to get their first ultrasound, where — in the biggest "aw!" moment of the season — they hear the baby's heartbeat for the first time.

Holiday ro-aaaaoooo-ooooo-aaaooo.
Holiday ro-aaaaoooo-ooooo-aaaood.

It's the annual Bryan family camping trip, and it's happening as Daniel Bryan and Brie Bella are moving to their new digs in Washington state. But because Daniel Bryan has vertigo, and he can't fly or drive for extensive distances — not to mention the fact that baby Birdie needs to be fed every 2 hours — the Bryan family and the Neidhart family (in the form of Natalya and her crazy friends) team up to "RV pool" on a camping trip. And while everyone seems nice enough, Natalya's friends prove to be a little too kooky for the more conservative Danielsons, and Brie, Daniel, and Birdie decide to fly from Sacramento, CA, to Washington state in the end. The segment concludes with Brie and Daniel unpacking their new house, safe and sound and away from Natalya's kooky friends.

Less enticing is the segment featuring Rusev and Lana: Rusev "The Bulgarian" Beefcake (#callback to the WWF days!) is schvitzing around town in nothing but his short shorts (!), changing in front of everyone at the WWE (now that's probably the most exciting part of the Raw show as of late...), and even going so far as to host a BBQ for Lana and her friends while roasting some steaks in the, uh, raw. What's the reason for Rusev's behavior? Apparently, he feels a type of way about the fact that the Ravishing Russian is living up to her name, and wearing skimpy clothes all about the place. But rather than take into account that it's, y'know, warm weather — or that (here's a novel idea) Lana should wear whatever she damn well pleases as a grown woman, or that MAYBE he should talk to her about it all in the first place and see if they can't come to an agreement before pouting about, he chooses to take this mature approach. Fortunately for Lana, she takes it all in stride, and even snarks that she's grateful that the only meat that Rusev roasted was the kind they ate (!!!).

And finally, Jimmy Uso and Naomi are looking to bring the spice back into their marriage, which seems to have taken a back seat to their busy schedules. So, Jimmy arranges a "stay-cation" for him and his boo, which includes a bit of massages and relaxing. There's just one problem: Naomi has a bit of a stomach bug, and she wants nothing more than to sleep it off. She doesn't want to seem like a buzzkill, though, so she tries to tough it out for her man. Eventually, though, Uso figures out that something's up with his boo, and he gets bummed out that his wife can't enjoy herself. In the end, though, they each put on costumes from their high school days — cheerleader and football outfits — and it's apparently this cosplay that gets the marital juices flowing (go ahead and try to get that mental picture out of your mind).

The second part of the Total Divas season finale airs next Wednesday at 9:00 p.m. EST.