Total Divas Recap: Rosa Gives Birth, Nikki's Neck Problems, Eva Marie, More

The girls are all still hanging out in Paris. They all go to the Moulin Rouge, which is a real place apparently and not somewhere they just made up for the movie. Alicia then holds an engagement party for Rosa, which is a nice moment. There's even a cake which, contrary to the eternal booking rules of wrestling, doesn't end up in anyone's face. Shocker.

Alas, the women's high school antics continue. There is bickering over a photoshoot. And Mandy is mad that Eva abandoned her to go out for dinner with the other girls. Again. Eva thinks she's over-reacting and being too possessive. Eva has a point. Yeah, Mandy is a nice enough girl but bland, boring storylines like this might explain why she?apparently?won't be back next season. I kind of feel they wasted Mandy a bit on this show, frankly.

They could have at least had her doing a "Mad Mandy" gimmick and flat-out stalking Eva Single White Female-style to make this whole thing more compelling. Instead the pair just come off like a couple of whiny sorority girls bickering over one borrowing the other's new designer jeans without asking.

Meanwhile, Nikki's neck problems have significantly worsened. It's possible her in-ring career might be over. She cries to her mother, Kathy, and says she simply can't imagine a life without wrestling in it. Her passion for the business is clear and this whole thing is genuinely quite sad.

It's not all bad for Nikki, though: Total Bellas?Nikki and Brie's spin-off show?is hyped up and will begin in the fall. It will presumably feature more of the girls arguing, then making up, then arguing again and John Cena churning out wise Yoda-style advice while wearing suits that make him look like a '70s gameshow host. Well, I am so not reviewing that one. My nerves can only handle so much.

Back home, Rosa goes into labor and gives birth to a hand. No wait, it's actually a baby girl named Jordan. Anyway, Jordan is adorable. Rosa even breastfeeds on air. I suppose by E! standards, this is considered edgy. There are issues, though: Bobby's atheism remains a problem. He insists he doesn't want to be married by a priest (go the Elvis impersonator route, Rosa!) and still isn't keen on the baptism deal.

Ultimately, Rosa concludes she will let Jordan decide about religion for herself when she grows up. What, people on this show making smart, practical and responsible decisions for themselves and their loved ones? Wow, Total Divas really is full of surprises. Sadly, this causes a bit of friction with Rosa's deeply religious mom, with her even claiming the child could "rot in hell" if she isn't baptized. Well, at least she isn't being melodramatic or anything.

Seriously: You know things are bad when you come off as hysterical and over-the-top even by this show's standards.

Bobby is pretty appalled with his future mother-in-law's intolerant behavior. And even says so on national television. Well, Thanksgiving dinner just got a bit more awkward. Hopefully the mom came around eventually, but she was not portrayed well here at all. It's possible, though, that the editing team didn't do her any favors and played up her feelings up as more of a problem than they really were.

Anyway, Rosa's arc concludes with her telling Bobby she'd like to move closer to his family. And then, after taking a few months off for her maternity leave, she says she wants to return to the ring. Oh, dear.

On the next season of Total Divas: Dean Ambrose agrees to let an entire E! camera crew follow him and his girlfriend around while he gets up to all sorts of wacky adventures and acts like a mad man. No, seriously, guys: That will, in fact, happen.